Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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