he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
