Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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