How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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