I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
