The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
