How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When are your genitals available?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
