As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.