quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to