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Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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