Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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  (310): it's too hot outside to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/dql5
  Replies (19) Good night (746) Bad night (1693)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes

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  (908): But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes http://tfl.nu/c86w
  Replies (24) Good night (3466) Bad night (750)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.

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  (815): Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are. http://tfl.nu/ve28
  Replies (34) Good night (5578) Bad night (834)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.

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  (520): she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce. http://tfl.nu/u935
  Replies (25) Good night (768) Bad night (7083)
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  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

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  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (7051) Bad night (947)
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  (916): View more from California

  He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.

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  (916): He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car. http://tfl.nu/y9if
  Replies (15) Good night (5352) Bad night (1429)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1954) Bad night (5516)
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  (408): View more from California

  that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

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  (408): that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it http://tfl.nu/gsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (3941) Bad night (950)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt

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  (203): the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt http://tfl.nu/wx0v
  Replies (7) Good night (2276) Bad night (1587)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.

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  (217): Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b. http://tfl.nu/ryd7
  Replies (5) Good night (793) Bad night (2265)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?

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  (830): I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy? http://tfl.nu/wl4s
  Replies (13) Good night (2413) Bad night (620)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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  (828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (389)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.

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  (812): I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature. http://tfl.nu/jyq9
  Replies (0) Good night (694) Bad night (340)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.

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  (812): Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me. http://tfl.nu/oqrx
  Replies (0) Good night (247) Bad night (392)
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  (430): View more from Texas

  we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'

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  (430): we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you' http://tfl.nu/wtnu
  Replies (0) Good night (759) Bad night (213)

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