Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Mmmm, vodka for breakfast

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  (404): Mmmm, vodka for breakfast http://tfl.nu/n4af
  Replies (16) Good night (3081) Bad night (772)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning

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  (347): i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning http://tfl.nu/jabd
  Replies (13) Good night (4299) Bad night (703)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

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  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (7440) Bad night (1240)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo

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  (303): Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo http://tfl.nu/0kme
  Replies (10) Good night (3438) Bad night (1408)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1734) Bad night (478)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey

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  (774): This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey http://tfl.nu/q901
  Replies (10) Good night (1802) Bad night (705)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me

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  (615): Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me http://tfl.nu/3qkc
  Replies (1) Good night (967) Bad night (538)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.

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  (780): Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag. http://tfl.nu/5i0q
  Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (446)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..

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  (727): Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter.. http://tfl.nu/a2wm
  Replies (0) Good night (916) Bad night (392)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.

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  (614): They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart. http://tfl.nu/irli
  Replies (7) Good night (757) Bad night (513)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Still. Make it happen

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  (215): Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both" (1-215): Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen. (1-215): Still. Make it happen http://tfl.nu/b78c
  Replies (3) Good night (738) Bad night (390)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.

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  (906): My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow. http://tfl.nu/cu71
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (317)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"

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  (561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally" http://tfl.nu/drl0
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (427)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.

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  (702): Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird. http://tfl.nu/0bqw
  Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (567)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.

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  (317): I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me. http://tfl.nu/ytot
  Replies (3) Good night (217) Bad night (307)

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