I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
