I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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