I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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