i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
