I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
