Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
