You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
