Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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