Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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