It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
