operation harelip BJ is a go
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
