I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
