in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so that wasnt chicken after all
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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