i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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