I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
