God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
