Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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