You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
