Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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