Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
