I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
