Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The air was thick with penises
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
