i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
