last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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