We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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