i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
