yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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