I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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