So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
