i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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