So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
