We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
