In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
