But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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