it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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