this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
