i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize