I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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