I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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