I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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