that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
