Plan B is the new Plan A
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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