so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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