It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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