If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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