shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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