ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
being pregnant is like rehab
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
