I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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