white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You are the jesus of drinking
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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