Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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