best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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