Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize