I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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