The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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