Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
