That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
