girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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