That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize