My liver just broke up with me...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize