Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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