So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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