If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
