I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
