I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
