I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
