are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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