You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
