i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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