he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
