maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she looked like the before picture.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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