ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
