The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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